Bumps in the road | Hannah Sturland
I didn’t expect this to be easy. I knew that there would be bumps along the way, but I didn’t expect depression and anxiety to keep creeping up on me like this.
I’ve been working so hard to think positively and look after myself, then it feels like the sea mist rolls in without me realising until I’m completely engulfed and fighting not to lose myself. I wish I could realise quicker, catch it before it takes hold but I’m not quite there yet.
At least now I have a toolkit to wheel out once I realise; taking some time out, asking for help, slowing down and focussing on self-care. One step at a time and I know I can get out the other side. Hopefully it’ll be longer before the sea mist rolls in again.
I think I’ve finally accepted that it really is ok not to be ok. My first reaction when I realise I’m engulfed again is frustration (at the illness, at myself, at just being there again). But I can now replace that frustration with acceptance, kindness and awareness of the latest triggers so that I can kick up the self-care and work through the mist.
I guess I’ll never be ‘cured’; this is just who I am now. But I am working at getting life balanced so that the periods between bumps in the road hopefully get longer.
On my path to happiness I can recognise some of the positives that this illness has shown me; the awesome support network of family and friends that I’m lucky enough to have, the healing power of self-care and the strength that I have to face days even when it feels impossible.
I know that there will always be bumps in the road, but I’m starting to see that there is also room for joy and things to appreciate, even in the dark times. I am grateful for that.
For anyone else hitting a bump in the road; you are not alone. You can do this and we are here to support you.
Hannah blogs over at PND to Happiness
where you can find her sharing her journey and recovery.
You can also get her on Twitter – @PNDtoHappiness